Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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