high people should be assigned attendants
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
