there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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