next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize