sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
