If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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