and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
