You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sext me about skeletons
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize