I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
