i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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