Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
