Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
