She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
