Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
