i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
