I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
