I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
