I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
