At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
