Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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