Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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