somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
