I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
