He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
