you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
