she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
