we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
