"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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