So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
