pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
