So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
