Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
