you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
