my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need water and some morals
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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