New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
