I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
