Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
