i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
