I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
