Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
