So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
