Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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