This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
