You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
