he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
