haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
