it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No subtext here. People are naked.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
