R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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