there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
