i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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