Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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