so that wasnt chicken after all
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
