Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
