Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
