dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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