Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
