I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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