It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
