someone owes me an orgasm
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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