I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
