The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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