Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's official drugs can't kill me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
