Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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