I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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