i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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