everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
