just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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